Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was
out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she
ran out of gas. As luck would have it, an Exxon gasoline
station was just a block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some
gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he
owned had been loaned out, but
she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann
was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and
walked back to her car.
She looked for something in her car that she could fill with
gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.
Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to
the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan
back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank,
two Baptists watched from across the street.
One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'
Monday
Sunday
Thursday
Lost Wife at Home Depot
Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their
carts around Home Depot Building Supply when they collide.
The old timer says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that.
I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'
The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'
The old guy says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other.
What does your wife look like?'
The young guy says, 'Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, > with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big breasts, and she's wearing
tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?'
The old timer says.... .. 'Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.'
Most old timers are helpful like that!
Deep Roots of Iraq
Near the bottom--the part highlighted in green--will give you GOOSEBUMPS!!!
You don't want to miss this! ((*_*) )
VERY INTERESTING-
1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq
6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq
8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel
10. Amos cried out in Iraq
11 Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem
12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the 'writing on the wall' in Iraq
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq
16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq
17. The wise men were from Iraq
18. Peter preached in Iraq
19. The 'Empire of Man' described in Revelation is called Babylon--which was a city in Iraq
And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible.
But do you know which nation is second?
It is Iraq!
However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.
The names used in the Bible are Babylon , Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia ... The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris And Euphrates Rivers ..
The name Iraq means country with deep roots.
Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.
No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated
With it than Iraq
And also, This is something to think about:
Since America is
typically represented by an eagle.
Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages ...
The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)
Koran ( 9:11 ) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle.. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah;
And there was peace.
(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!
This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq .
Pass it on to everyone and pray.
Something good will happen to you tonight at 11:11 PM
This is not a joke.
Someone will either call you or will talk to you online and say that they love you.
Do not break this chain.
Send this to 13 people in
The next 15 minutes.
Go.
You don't want to miss this! ((*_*) )
VERY INTERESTING-
1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq
6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq
8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel
10. Amos cried out in Iraq
11 Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem
12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the 'writing on the wall' in Iraq
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq
16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq
17. The wise men were from Iraq
18. Peter preached in Iraq
19. The 'Empire of Man' described in Revelation is called Babylon--which was a city in Iraq
And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible.
But do you know which nation is second?
It is Iraq!
However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.
The names used in the Bible are Babylon , Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia ... The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris And Euphrates Rivers ..
The name Iraq means country with deep roots.
Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.
No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated
With it than Iraq
And also, This is something to think about:
Since America is
typically represented by an eagle.
Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages ...
The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)
Koran ( 9:11 ) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle.. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah;
And there was peace.
(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!
This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq .
Pass it on to everyone and pray.
Something good will happen to you tonight at 11:11 PM
This is not a joke.
Someone will either call you or will talk to you online and say that they love you.
Do not break this chain.
Send this to 13 people in
The next 15 minutes.
Go.
Tuesday
Best Come-Back Line Ever
This was recently in the Seattle Paper...
The title of the article was "Best Come-Back Line Ever."
In summary, the police arrested Robert Aylor,
59+ year old white male, in a pumpkin patch
at 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.
On Monday, at the County courthouse, Aylor was
charged with lewd and lascivious behavior,
public indecency, and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that as he was passing
a pumpkin patch on his way home from a
drinking session when he decided to stop.
"You know how a pumpkin it's soft and squishy
inside, and there was no one around for miles
or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around"
he stated in a telephone interview.
Aylor went on to say that he pulled over to the
side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he
felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole
in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged 'need.'
"Guess I was really into it, you know?" he
commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Aylor failed
to notice an approaching police car and was
unaware of his audience until officer Brenda
Taylor approached him.
It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,"
said officer Taylor. "I walked up to Mr. Aylor
and he's just banging away at this pumpkin."
Officer Taylor went on to describe what
happened when she approached Aylor.
I said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize
that you're having sex with a pumpkin?"
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I
was there, and then he looked me straight in
the face and said.....
A pumpkin? ..... Shit...is it midnight already!
The title of the article was "Best Come-Back Line Ever."
In summary, the police arrested Robert Aylor,
59+ year old white male, in a pumpkin patch
at 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.
On Monday, at the County courthouse, Aylor was
charged with lewd and lascivious behavior,
public indecency, and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that as he was passing
a pumpkin patch on his way home from a
drinking session when he decided to stop.
"You know how a pumpkin it's soft and squishy
inside, and there was no one around for miles
or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around"
he stated in a telephone interview.
Aylor went on to say that he pulled over to the
side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he
felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole
in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged 'need.'
"Guess I was really into it, you know?" he
commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Aylor failed
to notice an approaching police car and was
unaware of his audience until officer Brenda
Taylor approached him.
It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,"
said officer Taylor. "I walked up to Mr. Aylor
and he's just banging away at this pumpkin."
Officer Taylor went on to describe what
happened when she approached Aylor.
I said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize
that you're having sex with a pumpkin?"
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I
was there, and then he looked me straight in
the face and said.....
A pumpkin? ..... Shit...is it midnight already!
Smart Ass Answers
SMART ASS ANSWER #6 -- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters
Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated
in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the
departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she
extended
her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and
flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big
enough
for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any
bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid
who
was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his
way
without a ticket.
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the
freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before
he
knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck
under
the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says,
"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007 -- A college teacher reminds
her
class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any
excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your
immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the
student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd
have to write the exam with your other hand."
Two bonus extras: A blond goes to the post office to buy stamps
for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50
Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blond says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6
Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.
________________________________ ____________________________
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is
not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel
horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
He never heard the shot....
------------------------------
Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated
in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the
departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she
extended
her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and
flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big
enough
for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any
bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid
who
was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his
way
without a ticket.
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the
freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before
he
knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck
under
the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says,
"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007 -- A college teacher reminds
her
class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any
excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your
immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the
student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd
have to write the exam with your other hand."
Two bonus extras: A blond goes to the post office to buy stamps
for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50
Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blond says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6
Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.
________________________________ ____________________________
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is
not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel
horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
He never heard the shot....
------------------------------
Monday
Take the History Quiz
A little history lesson. If you don't know the answer make your best guess.
No peeking - Answer all the questions before looking at the answers.
Who said it?
1) 'We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.'
A. Karl Marx
B. Adolph Hitler
C. Joseph Stalin
D. None of the above
2) 'It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the
few, and for the few...... And to replace it with shared responsibility for shared prosperity.'
A. Lenin
B. Mussolini
C. Idi Amin
D. None of the Above
3) '(We) ...can't just let business as usual go on, and that means something
has to be taken away from some people.'
A. Nikita Khrushev
B. Josef Goebbels
C. Boris Yeltsin
D. None of the above
4) 'We have to build a political consensus and that requires people to give up
a little bit of their own ... in order to create this common ground.'
A. Mao Tse Dung
B. Hugo Chavez
C. Kim Jong Il
D. None of the above
5) 'I certainly think the free-market has failed.'
A. Karl Marx
B. Lenin
C. Molotov
D. None of the above
6) 'I think it's time to send a clear message to what has become the most
profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being watched.'
A. Pinochet
B. Milosevic
C. Saddam Hussein
D. None of the above
Scroll down for answers
Answers
(1) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/29/2004
(2) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 5/29/2007
(3) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(4) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(5) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(6) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 9/2/2005
Be afraid, Be very afraid!!
No peeking - Answer all the questions before looking at the answers.
Who said it?
1) 'We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good.'
A. Karl Marx
B. Adolph Hitler
C. Joseph Stalin
D. None of the above
2) 'It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the
few, and for the few...... And to replace it with shared responsibility for shared prosperity.'
A. Lenin
B. Mussolini
C. Idi Amin
D. None of the Above
3) '(We) ...can't just let business as usual go on, and that means something
has to be taken away from some people.'
A. Nikita Khrushev
B. Josef Goebbels
C. Boris Yeltsin
D. None of the above
4) 'We have to build a political consensus and that requires people to give up
a little bit of their own ... in order to create this common ground.'
A. Mao Tse Dung
B. Hugo Chavez
C. Kim Jong Il
D. None of the above
5) 'I certainly think the free-market has failed.'
A. Karl Marx
B. Lenin
C. Molotov
D. None of the above
6) 'I think it's time to send a clear message to what has become the most
profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being watched.'
A. Pinochet
B. Milosevic
C. Saddam Hussein
D. None of the above
Scroll down for answers
Answers
(1) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/29/2004
(2) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 5/29/2007
(3) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(4) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(5) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
(6) D. None of the above. Statement was made by Hillary Clinton 9/2/2005
Be afraid, Be very afraid!!
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