The Geography of a Woman Compared to the Geography of a Man

The Geography of a Woman

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Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa.

Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

 

 

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.

Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

 

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.

Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

 

 

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece.

Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

 

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain. 
With a glorious and all conquering past.

 

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel.

Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.

 

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. 
Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

 

After 70, she becomes Tibet.

Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.

An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

 

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

 

 

Between 1 and 80, a man is like North Korea.
Ruled by a pair of nuts.

 

THE END

Why Some Athletes Can't Get Regular Jobs

Why Some Athletes Can't Get Regular Jobs

 

The danger of having just any sports figures as role models for kids...

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me.

I wan' all the kids to copulate me.

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say:

"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl."

 Matt Millen of the Raiders said:
"To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too.

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach,
John Jenkins: "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings.

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann

(a graduate of South River HS in New Jersey):

  "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.."
(Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."

And, "Yous guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter?

He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing,

explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer,

on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player,

explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.
(I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:

"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?”
He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M,

recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:

"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

 

 14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:

"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.

 

Ah yes, but they ride to the bank in a Mercedes

Grandma is eighty years old and still drives her own car...

Grandma is eighty years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Family and Friends

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lot of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

 'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

 What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a “sunny beach. “
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my girlfriend in the back seat what that meant.
She said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My girlfriend burst out laughing, we were so surprised to see that many people so friendly.
Why even she was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

 I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!


Will write again soon,


Love, Grandma

Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid.

First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them,
"In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor.
The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body.
" For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said,
"The second most important quality is observation.
I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.
Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

Here Are *SOME* of Trump’s Accomplishments

Here Are *SOME* of Trump’s Accomplishments:

-- GDP Growth for 2nd quarter = 4.1%
-- Previous 2 Administrations averaged only 1.8% GDP
-- It is now averaging over 3% annual GDP
-- We are on track to hit the highest average annual growth rate in over 13 yrs.
.
Before election:
-- 1.5 million fewer prime age workers were working than 8 yrs before.
-- Lost 200,000 manufacturing jobs
-- 10 million American were added to food stamps.
.
Since election:
-- For the first time in history we have more jobs available than we have workers to fill them.
-- 3.5 million Americans off food stamps
-- Added 3.7 million new jobs
-- Longest job growth streak in history
-- Unemployment claims lowest in history
-- African-American unemployment lowest in history
-- Hispanic-American unemployment lowest in history
-- Asian-American unemployment lowest in history
-- Women unemployment lowest in 65 yrs
-- Veterans unemployment lowest in 18 yrs
-- Disabled unemployment lowest in history
.
-- Factories are booming
-- Private Business Investment before election = 1.8%, Year after election = 6.3%, This year 9.4%
-- 95% of manufacturers are optimistic about company’s outlook, highest level in history
-- Manufacturing wages to rise at fastest rate in over 17 yrs
-- Business and Consumer confidence highest in history
-- Added 400,000 manufacturing jobs (Obama had lost 200,000)
-- American exports are up 20%
-- Net Exporter of Natural Gas for first time since 1957
-- Cracking down on abusive foreign trade practices (trade deficits)
-- Trade Deficit dropped by $52 Billion
-- Steel Industry is opening plants all across America
-- Eliminated record number of job killing regulations
-- Passed biggest Tax Cuts in history which lead to 6 million Americans having new bonuses, better jobs, or bigger paychecks
-- In the first 3 months after the tax cuts, over $300 Billion poured back in the US from overseas, projected to be eventually over $4 Trillion.
-- Apple itself has committed to spend $230 Billion on plants, campus, etc.
.
--Liberated all Americans from the Obamacare Mandate
-- Created Associated Health Plans to purchase more affordable health plans with biding across state lines.
-- AND, The remains of American soldiers from Korean War are being returned to the US.
.
.
THANK GOD TRUMP WON.

President Trump Calls For Voter ID To Stop Russian Meddling

President Trump has come up with a solution to the Russians interfering with America's elections. White House is waiting for response from Nancy Pelosi. Twitter will certainly explode. What will Mueller do next?

The New High School Teacher

New High School Teacher

 After retiring, a former Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant took a new job as a high school teacher.

 Just before the school year started, he injured his back. 

He was required to wear a light plaster cast around the upper part of his body.

 Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable when he wore his suit coat.

 On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.

 The smart-ass  punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine,

were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.

 Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.         

 With a strong breeze blowing it made his tie flap.  He picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest

 Dead  Silence   .

 The rest of the year went smoothly.