Wednesday

Why Some Athletes Can't Get Regular Jobs

 
The danger of having just any sports figures as role models for kids...

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me.
I wan' all the kids to copulate me.

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say:
"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl."
 Matt Millen of the Raiders said:
"To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too.

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach,
John Jenkins: "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings.

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann
(a graduate of South River HS in New Jersey):
  "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.."
(Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
And, "Yous guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter?
He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing,
explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer,
on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player,
explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.
(I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?”
He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M,
recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:
"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
 
 14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.
 
Ah yes, but they ride to the bank in a Mercedes

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