Philosopher's Comments

Philosopher's Comments....

 

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. King David

 

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Sasha Guitry

 

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

 

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Anonymous

 

The great question, which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?" Dumas

 

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Sigmund Freud

 

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.

She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays' Red Skelton

 

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.' Sam Kinison

 

'I've had bad luck with both my wives The first one left me, and the second one didn't.' James Holt McGavra

 

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming. 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Patrick Murray

 

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Nash

 

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Anonymous

 

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Henny Youngman

 

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Rodney Dangerfield

 

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' Anonymous

 

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy : 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.' Anonymous

Now that we are married...

Jim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
 
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes; his wife was standing there watching him.
 
After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should just sell your golf clubs."

Jim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"There for a minute, you were sounding like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

"I wasn't.

Work versus Golf

In 1923, Who Was:

1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6.. Great Bear of Wall Street?



These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.

Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately
became of them.



The Answers:


1. The president of the largest steel company.
Charles Schwab,

Died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company,
Edward Hopson,

Went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE,
Richard Whitney,

Was released from prison
To die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cooger,

Died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of
The Bank of International Settlement,

Shot himself.

6 The Great Bear of Wall Street,
Cosabee Livermore,

Also committed suicide

However,

In that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion
And the winner of the most important golf tournament,
The US Open,
Was

Gene Sarazen.

What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92,
Died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure
At the time of his death..

The Moral: Fuck work. Play golf.

The Extra Seat at the Masters

A man had two of the best tickets for the Master’s in Augusta.  As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next  to him.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is  incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this, the biggest golfing event of the whole world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well,  actually, the seat belongs to me.  My wife always would come with me, but she passed away. This is the  first Master’s we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else?.. a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head......."No. They're all at the funeral."

The Fifty Dollar Paint Job

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood .   She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

 

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch.  How much will you charge me?"

 

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

 

 

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.

 

 

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

 

 

"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

 

 

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."

 

 

A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

 

"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.

 

 

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."

 

 

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.

 

 

"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus ."

The Lady Golfer

A group of men live and die for their Saturday morning golf game.   One man   transfers to another city and they're lost without him.

 

At the same time, a   woman joins their Club.    When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team   and   was pretty good.    Mind if I join you next week? "

 

No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot.    Finally, one man says.  " Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m ." .    He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

 

The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

 

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay".    She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par   round. She's fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.    She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

 

The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp.   Only this time, she plays left-handed.    The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.    They're totally amazed.   They can't figure her out.   She's very pleasant and a gracious winner.    They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.

The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.     This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them.     The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part.   However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.

 

This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.    They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

 

The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies.    "I like to switch back and forth."

 

"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude.   From then on, I developed a silly habit.   Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him.   If his Willie points to the right, I golf right-handed .    I f it points to the left, I golf left-handed."

 

The guys think this is hysterical.    Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"

 

She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."

I got this from an "Old Fart" friend of mine!

OLD FART PRIDE I'm passing this on as I did not want to be the only old fart receiving it. Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see.

• Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem. Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
• Old Farts remember World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal , Normandy and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam .
• If you bump into an Old Fart on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are courtly to women.
• Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
• Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.
• Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren.
• It's the Old Farts who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country.

  This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.
  We need them now more than ever.
  Thank God for Old Farts!