WOMAN SHOT IN THE HEAD

WOMAN SHOT IN THE HEAD

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of Arkansas, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby super-market to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting  in her car in the driveway with the car running and the windows rolled up. Her eyes closed with both hands behind the back of her head. 
He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay; Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour (at least it seemed that way to her, it actually had been 15 minutes, she blamed the inability to tell time on her head injury). 
The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to move her hands.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. From the back seat a biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. 
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered. 
Linda is blonde, a Democrat, and a Biden supporter; but that could all be a coincidence.

The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and it was determined to be Trump's fault.

The Seven Degrees of Blonde

The Seven Degrees of Blonde

 

 

 

These are good !!

 

FIRST DEGREE  

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang 

at 2 in the morning.   The very blonde wife picked up the phone, 

listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles 

from here!' and hung up.

 

The husband said, 'Who was that?' 

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.' 

SECOND DEGREE  

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the 

sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror 

and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' 

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' 

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'  

THIRD DEGREE  

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and 

buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really 

angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is 

overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. 

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!' 

FOURTH DEGREE  

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. 

She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.' 

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

 

The blonde replies,'Oh, that's easy .. it's W.' 

FIFTH DEGREE 

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? 

A: 'Is it mine?' 

SIXTH DEGREE  

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US 

Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what 

Roe vs. Wade was about. 

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision 

George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'  

SEVENTH DEGREE 

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house 

ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and 

reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, 

and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. 

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!' 

OKAY, FORWARD THIS TO ANYONE ELSE 

YOU MIGHT THINK NEEDS   A LAUGH TODAY  

The Blonde on a Plane

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN
ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS
SECTION AND SITS DOWN.



THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS
TO SEE HER TICKET.

SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY
CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.



THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M
GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS

THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE
BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN
ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.



THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO
EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY

SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.



THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M
GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD

HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST
THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL

HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR,
AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES

BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND
ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT
ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO

FINALLY - REDEMPTION FOR BLONDES

       A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs

and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him .  She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator .  He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out .  Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior .   Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?" Not one hand went up, so she took them home and ate them .   Two lessons here: 1 . Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are . 2 . Blondes aren't as dumb as some folks think .

Blonde's Year in Review

Blonde's Year in Review



January

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.



February

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....

Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!



March

Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....

Box said ' 2-4 years!'



April

Trapped on escalator for hours ...

Power went out!!!



May

Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....

8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!



June

Tried to go water skiing........

Couldn't find a lake with a slope.



July

Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....

Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!



August

Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....

Car swamped because soft-top was open.



September

The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???



October

Hate M & M's.....

They are so hard to peel.



November

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ...

Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!



December



Couldn't call 911.

'Duh'......there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!





THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR



A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.



She opened it then slammed it shut and st ormed back in the house..



A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.



As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.



Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'



To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'

(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)



'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'

A Blonde and her Dog

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside? The blonde said it was hers

'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.

The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.

The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'

'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin.'

The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'

(Your gotta love this)

The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.