Talking Dog For Sale

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale "He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So,what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a Bullshitter . He's never been out of the yard'

Why Some Men Have Dogs and Not Wives

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

	1.  The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
	2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
	3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
	4. A dog's parents never visit.
	5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
	6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
	7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..
	8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
	9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
	10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
	11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
	12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
	13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but not least:
	14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

To test this theory:  
Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.   Then open it and see who's happy to see you.