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Tuesday

The Fifty Dollar Paint Job

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood .   She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
 
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch.  How much will you charge me?"
 
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
 
 
The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
 
 
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
 
 
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
 
 
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."
 
 
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
 
"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
 
 
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."
 
 
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
 
 
"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus ."

The Spaghetti Affair


SPAGHETTI............A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back.
He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread.....

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