A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name some quote origins

A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name some quote origins

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
"That's right Susie, you can go home."

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
"That's right Mary, you can go."

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
 "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

The teacher turns her back Johnny yells in frustration, "I wish those dumb bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around and she is livid and yells: " WHO SAID THAT?!"

Johnny replies: "Harvey Weinstein. I'll see you Tomorrow!

Http://WhyNotShareIt.com

No Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year

No Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year

 

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene on Capitol Hill this Christmas season.

 

This isn't for any religious reason.

 

They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capital.

 

A search for a Virgin also continues.

 

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable..

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

 The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
 'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

 The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
 Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

 The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

 The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'

 And So The Christmas Season Begins......

Life Long Golfing Buddies Going to Lunch

A group of golfing buddies, all in their 40's, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because it wasn't far from the course, the waitresses were young, good looking, showed lots of cleavage and wore short-shorts. 
  
Ten years later, at age 50, the golfing buddies once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the food and service were good, they had many televisions to watch the games on, and the beer selection was excellent. 
  
Ten years later, at age 60, the gang again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace, and it was good value for the money. 
  
Ten years later, at age 70, they discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled. 
  
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because they had never been there before.



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Getting rich is the result of doing things in a certain way.

“There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe. A thought, in this substance, Produces the thing that is imaged by the thought. Man can form things in his thought, and, by impressing his thought upon formless substance, can cause the thing he thinks about to be created.”
― Wallace D. Wattles, The Science of Getting Rich

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Granny and the Carjacking

***Get Out of The Car!...

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and,

upon returning to her car, found four males

in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,

proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,

"I have a gun, and I know how to use it!

Get out of the car - NOW!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat.

They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded

to load her shopping bags into the back of the

car and got into the driver's seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key

into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then

she realized why.

It was for the same reason she had wondered

why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two

12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked

four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into he own car and drove

to the police station to report her mistake.

The Sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't

stop laughing.  He pointed to the other end of the

counter, where four pale men were reporting a

carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as

white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair,

and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story?

If you're going to have a senior moment... make it memorable!

New TV Drug Advertizing

I don't understand why prescription medicine is allowed to advertise on TV or why anyone would think of trying one of the medicines after listening to the laundry list of warnings of possible side effects. 

 But this is definitely an exception! 

 

Do you have feelings  of inadequacy?  Do you suffer from shyness?  Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?  Do you sometimes feel stressed?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.  

 

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world  that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. 

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you'll overcome obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past. You will discover talents you never knew you had..

 

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. 

Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it but women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

 

Side effects may include:  

Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister. 

 

Warnings:  

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.  The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell  your friends over and over again that you love them.   

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think  you can sing.  

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. 

 
LIFE IS A CABERNET OLD CHUM  soooo,  Bring a Bottle Over & Let’s get Started! 

Be Healthy My Friends
WhyNoyBeHealthy.com

Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing...

The New Salesman

A young guy from Upper Peninsula  Michigan moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Ironwood, Michigan."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales from 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in Michigan, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that Ford 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, 
and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.........'"


Want more time to go fishing? 
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Confucius Did Not Say...

Confucius Did Not Say...

Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.
 

Passionate kiss like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
 

Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.
 

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
 

War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.
 

Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night.
 

It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
 

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
 

Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
 

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

A wise person does take care of their health.  

WhyNotBeHealthy?

What Happened. I can't put my finger on it...

I’m still trying to figure out how Hillary lost the election...
Was it the Russian Uranium Deal?
Was it Wikileaks?
Was it Podesta?
Was it Comey?
Was it having a sexual predator as a husband?
Was it Huma Abedin’s sexual predator husband Anthony Weiner?
Was it because the Clinton Foundation ripped off Haiti?
Was it subpoena violations?
Was it the congressional testimony lies?
Was it the corrupt Clinton Foundation?
Was it the Benghazi butchering?
Was it pay for play?
Was it being recorded laughing because she got a child rapist off when she was an attorney?
Was it the Travel Gate scandal?
Was it the Whitewater scandal?
Was it the Cattle Gate scandal?
Was it the Trooper Gate scandal?
OR....
Was it the the $15 million for Chelsea’s apartment bought with foundation money?
Or her husband’s interference with Loretta Lynch & the investigation?
Or having debate questions stolen & given to her?
Or her own secret server in her house?
Or deleting 30,000 emails?
Or having cell phones destroyed with hammers?
Was it the Seth Rich murder?
Was it the Vince Foster murder?
Was it the Gennifer Flowers assault & settlement?
Was it the $800,000 Paula Jones settlement?
Was it calling half the United States deplorable?
Was it the underhanded treatment of Bernie Sanders?
Was it Bill’s impeachment?
Was it the lie about being under sniper fire in Bosnia?
Was it the $10 million she took for the pardon of Marc Rich?
Or the $6 BILLION she “lost” when in charge of the State Dept.?
Or because she is a hateful, lying, power hungry, overly ambitious, greedy, nasty person?
Gee I just can’t seem to put my finger on it...

A lesson to learn from Jack Ma, the richest man in China

*A lesson to learn from Jack Ma, the richest man in China.*
In an interview he said that " It is impossible to please the poor minds".
- "Give them something for free, and they think it's a trap.
- Tell them it's a small investment, they'll say they will not win a lot.
- Tell them to invest, they respond that they will, when they have money.
- Invite them to invest big, they'll say they don't have money.
- Invite them to try new things, they'll tell you how they don't know how to do it.
- Tell them to come to a traditional business, they'll say it's hard to do business.
- Tell them it's a new business model, they'll say that it is a scam.
- Tell them to manage a shop, they'll say it doesn't pay a lot.
- Tell them to start a new business, they'll say that they don't have money.
*Poor minds have a few things in common:
They love to ask or "investigate" in Google, listen to friends who are as hopeless as them, they think more than a university professor and move less than a blind leading the blind.
You just have to ask them, what do you want to do? Speaking a lot without actions.
My conclusion:
Instead of waiting for things to change, why don't you act and do things to change?
Instead of just thinking about it, why not do something about it?
Poor people fail because of one common behavior:
Their whole life is a matter of wait and wait without action." ~ Jack Ma

Now go check this out http://WhyNotBeWealthy.com

I Did Not Take A Knee

  When Obama lied to me and claimed 4 of my comrades were murdered because of a video insulting Muslims...I didn't take a knee.

  When Obama freed terrorists, I didn't take a knee.

  When Obama shipped pallets of cash to my sworn enemy...I didn't take a knee.

  When Obama failed to identify Radicals as terrorists and Islam as an enemy of the state...I didn't take a knee.

  When Obama claimed that a man who tried to kill another man who lawfully defended himself could be his son...I didn't take a knee.

  When Obama defended a thug who bum rushed law enforcement...I didn't take a knee.

  When Obama ordered businesses to spend unnecessary funds to appease a minority of people who need mental intervention far more than they need their own toilet...I didn't take a knee.

  When Obama removed 'one nation under God' ...I didn't take a knee.

  When Obama lied to me and said I could keep my doctors and my premiums would go down...I didn't take a knee.

  When Obama spent my tax dollars in foreign lands to interfere in their elections...I didn't take a knee.

  While Obama sat by passively and enabled ISIS to emerge as a stronger force dedicated to spreading Islamic ideals by committing murder, rape and torture...I didn't take a knee.


  When Obama allowed dictators and murderers to violate his red lines and continue to murder women and children with chemical gas...I didn't take a knee.

  When Obama chastised law enforcement for their actions but ignored the violence in our streets...I didn't take a knee.

  When Obama identified the weather as the greatest threat to America's safety while Terrorists worldwide are murdering innocent people...I didn't take a knee.

  While Obama's insistence that pacifism and reform in numerous areas of the globe would bring peace but instead led to the strengthening of those that seek to destroy us...I didn't take a knee.




  In the 8 terrible years of Obama and his radical agenda against America, I never took a knee. In all that time I never disrespected our Country, our Armed Forces and Veterans, or our Nation. I remained vigilant. I never rioted, looted, blocked major highways or threatened to assassinate anyone with opposing views.

  God Bless the USA and God Bless President Donald J. Trump! #MAGA

Best Weight Loss For Men (This is a Joke)

Fast Weight Loss Now

 

I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss.

 

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a

voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair

of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later

huffing and puffing, I finally gave up

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find I lost 10

lbs. as promised.

 

I  called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most

stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her

neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, I'm out the door after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck. So

for the next four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually

getting in better and better shape.

Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh myself, I discover

that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

 

So I decide to go for broke and calls the company to order the

7-day/50 pound program.

"Are  you sure?" asks the representative on. "This is our most

rigorous program."

"Absolutely," I reply, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it find a

huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running

shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,...

you're mine."

 

I lost 63 pounds that week.

 

Now For The Real Way To Loss Weight and Get Into Your Best Shape!

 

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