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The Pastor's Ass

The Pastor's Ass

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.


The local paper read:
PASTOR'S
ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter
the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline  read: 
BISHOP SCRATCHES
PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.

The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: 

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your
life. So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone elses ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
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The Spaghetti Affair


SPAGHETTI............A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back.
He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread.....

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