EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room
With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your
sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and
Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a
couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.
Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a
100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a
full minute.(I'm at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
_____________________
One dark night in a small town of Roselle Park, New Jersey a fire started inside the local sausage factory.
In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments
for miles around.
When
the first fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company
president rushed to the fire chief and said, 'All of our secret sausage
recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be
saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me.'
But the
roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in
because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president announced that the offer to extricate the
secret recipes was now $100,000!
Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire
engine of the nearby Peterstown section of Elizabeth, NJ . This fire
department was composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of
65.
To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno!
Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the old timers
had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.
The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced
that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was raising the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.
A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on
camera' reporter asked the Italian
'What are you going to do with all that money?'
'Wella,' said Chief Pasquale De Luccinelli,
the 70-year-old fire chief, 'de fursta tinga we gonna
do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!!'
Father Higgins
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.
Father Higgins
rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west
Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep
breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass
lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local
police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good
morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the
best of the day te yerself. This is Father Higgins at St. Ann 's
Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye
be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and
recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the
good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you
people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the
line for a long moment.......
Father Higgins then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are
also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me
call.
Tim decided
to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the
honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf clubs for his Saturday game. His wife was
standing at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally
speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time
you quit playing so much golf. Maybe you should sell your clubs and cancel your
membership at the golf club."
Tim gets this horrified look on his
face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you
were sounding like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know
you were married before!"
"I wasn't.
"
The Spaghetti Affair
SPAGHETTI............A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back.
He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread.....
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