Smart Ass Answers

SMART ASS ANSWER #6 -- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters
Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated
in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
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SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the
departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she
extended
her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and
flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
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SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big
enough
for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any
bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
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SMART ASS ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid
who
was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his
way
without a ticket.
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SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the
freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before
he
knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck
under
the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says,
"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
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SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007 -- A college teacher reminds
her
class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any
excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your
immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the
student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd
have to write the exam with your other hand."

Two bonus extras: A blond goes to the post office to buy stamps
for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50
Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blond says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6
Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.
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A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is
not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel
horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
He never heard the shot....
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