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Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End

 An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End.
On their way to Kakadu he was describing the amazing abilities of the Australian Aborigines  to track man or beast over land, through the air and  under the sea.
The Americans were incredulous.

Later in the day, as the group rounded a bend on the highway they discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine...
He had one ear pressed to the white line,  whilst his left leg was held high in the air!
The bus stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine...
 "Hey Jacky,"  said the tour guide, "what are you tracking and what are you listening for?"The aborigine replied,
"Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute... It's a red one… the left front tire is bald...
The front end is out of whack, and him got bloody dents in every panel...
There are 9 black fellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry.
There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 4 dogs on the front seat."
The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.
"God Lord man,  how do you know all that?,"  asked one.

The Aborigine replied:...  ‘I  fell out of the fucken thing about half an hour ago!"

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The Spaghetti Affair


SPAGHETTI............A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back.
He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread.....

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