A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name some quote origins

A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name some quote origins

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
"That's right Susie, you can go home."

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
"That's right Mary, you can go."

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
 "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

The teacher turns her back Johnny yells in frustration, "I wish those dumb bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around and she is livid and yells: " WHO SAID THAT?!"

Johnny replies: "Harvey Weinstein. I'll see you Tomorrow!

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No Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year

No Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year

 

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene on Capitol Hill this Christmas season.

 

This isn't for any religious reason.

 

They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capital.

 

A search for a Virgin also continues.

 

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable..

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

 The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
 'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

 The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
 Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

 The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

 The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'

 And So The Christmas Season Begins......

Life Long Golfing Buddies Going to Lunch

A group of golfing buddies, all in their 40's, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because it wasn't far from the course, the waitresses were young, good looking, showed lots of cleavage and wore short-shorts. 
  
Ten years later, at age 50, the golfing buddies once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the food and service were good, they had many televisions to watch the games on, and the beer selection was excellent. 
  
Ten years later, at age 60, the gang again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace, and it was good value for the money. 
  
Ten years later, at age 70, they discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled. 
  
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because they had never been there before.



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Granny and the Carjacking

***Get Out of The Car!...

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and,

upon returning to her car, found four males

in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,

proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,

"I have a gun, and I know how to use it!

Get out of the car - NOW!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat.

They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded

to load her shopping bags into the back of the

car and got into the driver's seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key

into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then

she realized why.

It was for the same reason she had wondered

why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two

12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked

four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into he own car and drove

to the police station to report her mistake.

The Sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't

stop laughing.  He pointed to the other end of the

counter, where four pale men were reporting a

carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as

white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair,

and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story?

If you're going to have a senior moment... make it memorable!