Are You The Father of One of My Kids?

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where
he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I
think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to
his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I
made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your
partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'





She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'



IN GOD WE TRUST

A.A.A.D.D

A.A.A.D.D
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....PLEASE READ!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look
over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my
checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in
the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really
tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail....

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don't remember who I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!! Beware

A Blonde and her Dog

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside? The blonde said it was hers

'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.

The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.

The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'

'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin.'

The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'

(Your gotta love this)

The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.

CATHOLIC GASOLINE

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was
out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she
ran out of gas. As luck would have it, an Exxon gasoline
station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some
gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he
owned had been loaned out, but
she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann
was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and
walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with
gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.
Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to
the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan
back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank,
two Baptists watched from across the street.

One of them turned to the other and said,


'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'

Dear friends,







I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking....

Scared the shit out of me.

So that's it!

After today, no more reading.

Lost Wife at Home Depot

Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their
carts around Home Depot Building Supply when they collide.

The old timer says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that.
I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'

The young guy says, 'That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

The old guy says, 'Well, maybe we can help each other.
What does your wife look like?'

The young guy says, 'Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, > with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big breasts, and she's wearing
tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?'

The old timer says.... .. 'Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.'

Most old timers are helpful like that!

Deep Roots of Iraq

Near the bottom--the part highlighted in green--will give you GOOSEBUMPS!!!

You don't want to miss this! ((*_*) )





VERY INTERESTING-

1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq



2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!



3. Noah built the ark in Iraq



4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq



5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq



6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq



7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq



8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq


9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel



10. Amos cried out in Iraq



11 Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem



12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq



13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)



14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the 'writing on the wall' in Iraq



15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq



16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq



17. The wise men were from Iraq



18. Peter preached in Iraq



19. The 'Empire of Man' described in Revelation is called Babylon--which was a city in Iraq



And you have probably seen this one: Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible.

But do you know which nation is second?

It is Iraq!

However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.

The names used in the Bible are Babylon , Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia ... The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris And Euphrates Rivers ..

The name Iraq means country with deep roots.



Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.



No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated

With it than Iraq



And also, This is something to think about:

Since America is

typically represented by an eagle.

Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages ...



The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)



Koran ( 9:11 ) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle.. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah;

And there was peace.

(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!




This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq .

Pass it on to everyone and pray.

Something good will happen to you tonight at 11:11 PM

This is not a joke.

Someone will either call you or will talk to you online and say that they love you.

Do not break this chain.

Send this to 13 people in



The next 15 minutes.

Go.