Now Lifestyle

Friday

Missing wife alert!

 Husband:  My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not  come home. 
  
Sheriff:  What is her height? 

  
Husband:  Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall. 

  
Sheriff:  Weight? 

  
Husband:  Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. 

  
Sheriff:  Color of eyes? 

  
Husband:  Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed. 

  
Sheriff:  Color of hair? 

  
Husband:  Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember. 

  
Sheriff:  What was she wearing? 

  
Husband:  Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly. 

  
Sheriff:  What kind of car did she go in? 

  
Husband:  She went in my truck. 

  
Sheriff:  What kind of truck was it? 

  
Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for
the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders,
a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.
 
At this point the husband started choking up. 
  
Sheriff:  Take it easy, we'll find your truck.
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The Spaghetti Affair


SPAGHETTI............A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back.
He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread.....

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