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Wednesday

Why Some Athletes Can't Get Regular Jobs

 
The danger of having just any sports figures as role models for kids...

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me.
I wan' all the kids to copulate me.

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say:
"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl."
 Matt Millen of the Raiders said:
"To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too.

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach,
John Jenkins: "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings.

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann
(a graduate of South River HS in New Jersey):
  "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.."
(Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
And, "Yous guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter?
He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing,
explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer,
on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player,
explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.
(I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?”
He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M,
recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:
"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
 
 14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.
 
Ah yes, but they ride to the bank in a Mercedes

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The Spaghetti Affair


SPAGHETTI............A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back.
He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread.....

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