1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
3. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
4. No one is listening until you fart.
5. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
6. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
8. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was worth it.
10. Don't worry -- it only seems kinky the first time.
11. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
12. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works.
13. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
14. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
Now Lifestyle
Friday
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
The Spaghetti Affair
SPAGHETTI............A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back.
He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread.....
Like what you see?
Add to OnlywireBlog Archive
-
▼
2008
(27)
-
▼
September
(14)
- The Value of a Drink
- How Much Is A Billion?
- And Then The Fight Started....
- WORDS OF WISDOM TO LIVE BY
- The Irish Priest
- Moral of the story
- The Hospital visit
- Confucius Says
- BIG NEWS FROM HARLEY DAVIDSON !!!!!!
- The Three Little Pigs - Italian Style
- Yes Dear
- Are You The Father of One of My Kids?
- A.A.A.D.D
- A Blonde and her Dog
-
▼
September
(14)
No comments:
Post a Comment