Just Jokes

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.




It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.




Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over...



As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness—when to her great luck, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse


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Farting on jet fuel


One day two drinking buddies, Jim and Dave, were working on aircraft at JFK airport in NYC. They got fogged in and finished up their work early and were sitting around bored. Jim spoke up "Man I really need a drink!"

"You know I heard a rumor you could drink jet fuel and get drunk." Dave said.

"Really?"

"That's what I heard. Do you wanna try it?"

"Sure, hell I'll try anything once!"



So with that they poured themselves a couple of glasses and began drinking the jet fuel. They sipped a little bit to find it actually tasted quiet good. So they drank more and more and sure enough they got stoned drunk. The next morning Jim awoke feeling like a million bucks he jumped up went to the bathroom feeling great like he was floating on air he hadn't felt this good in years. "Wow!!" He said.



About that time Jim's telephone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hello Jim, this is Dave. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Man I feel great, no hang over, no sick, I feel like a million bucks. How about you?"

"Me too, but I have one question for you."

"Sure, what is it"

"Have you farted yet?"

"Ummmmm No. Why?"

"DON'T. I'm in Phoenix!"



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Laws related to parents



- A child's behavior will improve in proportion to the distance she is away from the parent.


- Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of tantrum lasts 20 times as long as two minutes of quiet time.


- The choice of a preschoolers best friend corresponds directly to the distance the friend lives from your house.


- The chance of a surprise visit by your parents-in-law is directly proportional to the size of the mess in your home.


- A child will always eat exactly what she has loved for the past year---unless it is the only food in the fridge.


- The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to embarrass a sailor!