It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."
Little Jimmy says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart And will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Jimmy can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Jimmy is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Jimmy can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Jimmy is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Jimmy can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Jimmy is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Jimmy says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Jimmy: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
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The Spaghetti Affair
SPAGHETTI............A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back.
He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread.....
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