An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: ? "Is there a problem, Officer?"
Officer: ? "Ma'am, you were speeding."
Older Woman: ? "Oh, I see."
Officer: ? "Can I see yo ur license please?"
Older Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
Officer: ? "Don't have one? "
Older Woman: ? "Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. "
Officer: ? "I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. "
Older Woman: ? "I can't do that. "
Officer: ? "Why not? "
Older Woman: ? "I stole this car. "
Officer: ? "Stole it? "
Older Woman: ? "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."
Officer: ? "You what? "
Older Woman: ? "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: ? "Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: ? "Is there a problem sir?"
Officer 2: ? "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
Older Woman: ? "Murdered the owner? "
Officer 2: ? "Yes, would you open the trunk of your car, please."
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: ? "Is this your car, ma'am?"
Older Woman: ? "Yes, here are the registration papers." The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: ? "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a driver's license and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: ? "Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."
Older Woman: ? "Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too."
MORAL:
Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies
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The Spaghetti Affair
SPAGHETTI............A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back.
He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread.....
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