My magic green hat.

Earlier this year while on vacation to

escape the snow and cold, I passed

through Florida on my way to the

Caribbean cruise.  The day after returning

from my cruise, I wasn’t feeling very well

and decided that I really needed some

medical assistance... and decided to

visit the emergency room at the closest medical facility.

 

Realizing that it would likely be very crowded

and not wanting to sit there waiting for 4-5

hours to be seen, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT.

 

As soon as I entered the E.R., I noticed that over

3/4 of the people got up and left.  I guess they

decided that they weren't really that sick after all.

 

I’m believing that MAGIC GREEN HAT cut at least

3 hours off my waiting time.

 

Here's a picture of my MAGIC GREEN HAT: 

 

 

 

 

It also works at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles.

It saved me 5 hours.

 

At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering,

I had my choice of any machine, many of which were still running.

 

If you live in Texas, it might cut your wait time

at the grocery store as well.

 

But . . . don't try it at McDonald's.

 The whole crew ran out the back door and I never got my order!

Only A Texan Can Make You Feel Like A Woman

Only A Texan Can Make You Feel Like A Woman



A plane passed through a severe storm.  The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.


One woman lost it completely.


She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed,'I'm too young to die,' she cried. Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'


For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.  Then the man from Texas  stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark
brown hair and hazel eyes.


Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved.  He removed his shirt.  Muscles rippled across his chest.


She gasped...

Then, he spoke...

'Iron this -- and then get me a beer.'

FROZEN CRABS AND THE BLONDE STEWARDESS

FROZEN CRABS AND THE BLONDE STEWARDESS

     
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs
 and  asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her he was holding her personally responsible for them
staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a
lawyer, and threatened what would happen to her if she let them thaw out.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to
announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me
the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"
     
Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.
               
Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think.