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The Dream Job!

The Dream job
 
A young man with his pants hanging half off his arse, two gold front teeth & 
a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare 
office to pick up his cheque.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi, you know, I REALLY HATE drawing 
welfare.  I'd much rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the 
system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We've 
just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and 
bodyguard for his beautiful daughter."
 "You'll have to drive around in his 2016 Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply 
all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.-
 You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday 
Trips". 
This is rather awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as 
the daughter is in her 20s and has a strong sex drive."
The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me?"
The Social Worker said, "Yeah, well . . .you started it."


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The Spaghetti Affair


SPAGHETTI............A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back.
He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread.....

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