Life Long Golfing Buddies Going to Lunch

A group of golfing buddies, all in their 40's, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because it wasn't far from the course, the waitresses were young, good looking, showed lots of cleavage and wore short-shorts. 
  
Ten years later, at age 50, the golfing buddies once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the food and service were good, they had many televisions to watch the games on, and the beer selection was excellent. 
  
Ten years later, at age 60, the gang again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace, and it was good value for the money. 
  
Ten years later, at age 70, they discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled. 
  
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because they had never been there before.



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Work versus Golf

In 1923, Who Was:

1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6.. Great Bear of Wall Street?



These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.

Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately
became of them.



The Answers:


1. The president of the largest steel company.
Charles Schwab,

Died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company,
Edward Hopson,

Went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE,
Richard Whitney,

Was released from prison
To die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator,
Arthur Cooger,

Died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of
The Bank of International Settlement,

Shot himself.

6 The Great Bear of Wall Street,
Cosabee Livermore,

Also committed suicide

However,

In that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion
And the winner of the most important golf tournament,
The US Open,
Was

Gene Sarazen.

What became of him?

He played golf until he was 92,
Died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure
At the time of his death..

The Moral: Fuck work. Play golf.

The Extra Seat at the Masters

A man had two of the best tickets for the Master’s in Augusta.  As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next  to him.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is  incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this, the biggest golfing event of the whole world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well,  actually, the seat belongs to me.  My wife always would come with me, but she passed away. This is the  first Master’s we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else?.. a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head......."No. They're all at the funeral."

The Lady Golfer

A group of men live and die for their Saturday morning golf game.   One man   transfers to another city and they're lost without him.

 

At the same time, a   woman joins their Club.    When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team   and   was pretty good.    Mind if I join you next week? "

 

No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot.    Finally, one man says.  " Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m ." .    He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

 

The woman says this may be a problem, and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

 

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay".    She's there at 6:30 a.m. sharp, and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par   round. She's fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.    She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

 

The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp.   Only this time, she plays left-handed.    The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.    They're totally amazed.   They can't figure her out.   She's very pleasant and a gracious winner.    They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.

The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.     This week she plays right-handed, and narrowly beats all three of them.     The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part.   However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.

 

This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.    They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse, and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

 

The lady blushes, and grins. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous," she replies.    "I like to switch back and forth."

 

"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude.   From then on, I developed a silly habit.   Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him.   If his Willie points to the right, I golf right-handed .    I f it points to the left, I golf left-handed."

 

The guys think this is hysterical.    Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"

 

She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."