IRS and the Hospital Audit

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an
inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the IRS agent was checking the books, he turned to
the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy alot of
bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when
there's too little left to be of any use?"

“Good question” noted the CFO. "We save them up and send
them back to the bandage company and every once in a while,
they send us a free roll."

“Oh”, replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his
unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went,
in his arrogant and obnoxious way. "What do you do with
what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"

“Ah, yes”, replied the CFO, realizing that the auditor was
trying to trap him with an unanswerable question.

"We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and
every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster."

“I see”, replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he
could fluster the know-it-all CFO. “Well, he went on, "What do
you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"

"Here, too, we do not waste", answered the CFO. "What we do is
save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and
about once a year they send us a complete prick."

My Dog is a Congressman

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
 

He has his food prepared for him.
 

His meals are provided at no cost to him.
 

He visits his doctor once a year for his checkup and again during the year, if any medical needs arise.
 

For all of this, he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.
 

He lives in a nice neighborhood, in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.
 

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
 

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
 

He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
 

He is living like a king and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
 

All of his costs are picked up by others who earn a living.
 

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks...
MY dog is a CONGRESSMAN.

 
Signed an American tax payer.

Granny and the Carjacking

***Get Out of The Car!...

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and,

upon returning to her car, found four males

in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,

proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,

"I have a gun, and I know how to use it!

Get out of the car - NOW!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat.

They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded

to load her shopping bags into the back of the

car and got into the driver's seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key

into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then

she realized why.

It was for the same reason she had wondered

why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two

12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked

four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into he own car and drove

to the police station to report her mistake.

The Sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't

stop laughing.  He pointed to the other end of the

counter, where four pale men were reporting a

carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as

white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair,

and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story?

If you're going to have a senior moment... make it memorable!

New TV Drug Advertizing

I don't understand why prescription medicine is allowed to advertise on TV or why anyone would think of trying one of the medicines after listening to the laundry list of warnings of possible side effects. 

 But this is definitely an exception! 

 

Do you have feelings  of inadequacy?  Do you suffer from shyness?  Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?  Do you sometimes feel stressed?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.  

 

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world  that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. 

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you'll overcome obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past. You will discover talents you never knew you had..

 

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. 

Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it but women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

 

Side effects may include:  

Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister. 

 

Warnings:  

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.  The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell  your friends over and over again that you love them.   

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think  you can sing.  

The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. 

 
LIFE IS A CABERNET OLD CHUM  soooo,  Bring a Bottle Over & Let’s get Started! 

Be Healthy My Friends
WhyNoyBeHealthy.com